How Eggs Saved the Day – Part 1

      “How eggs saved the day”

        “It was another dreary Monday morning to start off the week. I came down for breakfast hoping that there would be some leftover pizza or something else hearty to eat that didn’t involve confronting my mother about her health, but no such luck. She was up before me this time and had already made oatmeal.”   

        “Ewww…” said my friend Lisa.

        “You see, an unfortunate side effect of being a doctor is knowing exactly how much salt is too much salt for one’s own good.” I kept on telling myself as I dug into the bland cereal in front of me. I grumbled to myself as I checked through emails on my phone, hoping to find something that would cheer me up. Then I saw it, an email inviting me to participate in a study at my college’s medical school with the chance of winning 5 dollars. Now that was more like it! I printed out the form and rushed off to class.”

        “I was halfway through assembling my gun when she burst through the door. ‘What are you doing? You know how expensive these things are!’ She yelled as she tried waving her arms about frantically enough for both of us. Well too late; I already stuffed half a dozen eggs down it and heard them make contact with the bottom of the chamber…”

        “My roommate has lost his mind,” Lisa said while shaking her head in disbelief at the story I told her.

        “You’ll never believe what happened next,” I said, gesturing to the gun and egg carton on my desk.”

                 ” ‘Aww… come on mom! It’s just a study!’ I pleaded while pointing at my new 5 dollar bill with glee.”

        “Lisa got up from where she was sitting and walked over towards me before saying, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that base is kind of small; there’s no way it can support all six of those eggs!” She moved closer towards my desk trying to get a better look at the gun in front of me. I did like how small and compact this guy was, definitely more practical than the old sniper I used back in high school.”

        “I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, this guy’s made to take some serious punishment before breaking down.” I picked up one of the eggs that was laying on my desk and held it over the chamber. “Now let me show you what this thing can do!””

                 Lisa jumped at my sudden outburst of excitement only to be greeted with a loud ‘boom’ as I pulled the trigger. The table shook violently enough for her to have to hold on so she wouldn’t fall over, but it wasn’t anything that would’ve toppled over an egg carton like that (even if were filled with explosives).

        “My ears were still ringing from the shot as I looked back at Lisa to apologize for scaring her. The first thing that caught my eye was something red flapping about behind her, followed by a loud buzzing noise. Then came the stench, a mixture of rotten eggs and gunpowder tainted with blood.”

        “The next thing I knew she was on the floor with an egg in one hand and a smoldering peice of paper in the other. She had just seen what this little guy can do!”

        “What? But it’s so tiny… How could an egg come out of such a small chamber?” Lisa said as she held up what used to be half an egg dripping with blood and bits of gore.

        “Well, you see… the pressures involved in firing an egg out of this thing is so intense that it can literally turn a hard boiled egg into a bullet.”

        Lisa looked as if she was about to be sick as she gagged and dry heaved all over my floor.

        “Please tell me that’s not what I think it is,” Lisa said as she pointed at the ground with her hand shaking.

        “Don’t worry, we’re just going through some extra steps required for testing purposes and-” I tried to explain before being cut off by Lisa throwing up on the desk next to us, splattering both our shoes with bile.

“That’s it!” Lisa said as she pointed at my desk. “I’m calling the cops.”

        I grabbed Lisa’s arm and shouted, “No! You can’t tell anyone, I’ll be arrested for sure if you do!”

        “Oh yeah? So what are we supposed to do then; just forget about the fact that you murdered someone and go back to our lives like nothing happened?”

        No… there’s got to be something we could do!”

                 “Lisa and I searched through all of my gun magazines but didn’t find any mention of anything with those same measurements. It was as if this thing came out of nowhere, not even the internet had anything on this thing either.

        “I guess we’re just going to have to go down there ourselves… And I know EXACTLY what we’re gonna need too.” Lisa smirked as she walked towards the door.

        “Where are you going?” I asked.

        “To borrow something for our little adventure, of course! It’ll be here by the time you get dressed!” she said before slamming the door shut behind her.”

                 “Ten minutes later I had my shoes on and was headed out the door when Lisa stopped me with an arm across my chest.

“Oh no, mister! We’re not taking your car this time.” She said while pointing towards to old bike parked outside along with a handful of supplies strapped to it.

        “I’m not going anywhere on that thing! It’s a bike for Christ’s sake, you expect me to pedal all the way down there?”

        “Oh, is Mr. I-can-shoot-eggs-outta-this -thing too good to ride a bike? You didn’t seem to mind when I had my legs wrapped around your waist as you were pedaling down those trails!” Lisa said as she jumped onto the seat and started peddling.

        “That was different! There weren’t any cars out-” My rebuttal was cut off as I hopped onto the back of the bike as Lisa sped off the road.”

                 “There, you were saying?” Lisa said as she flashed an evil grin over her shoulder. “And this time I’m not letting you go until we get there, don’t bother running away again.”

        “Fine… Just please drive slowly so I dont’ have to hold on too tightly!” We sped down the street with me being perfectly content to just let my hands rest on her hips for the ride as long as it took. As we approached a stop sign I was about to tell Lisa that we needed to slow down but before either of us could put our brakes on a red mustang flew through the intersection without even looking and slammed right into us!

         “I opened my eyes to a bright white light. I was on some sort of table with a large lamp hanging over me while some guy in a lab coat examined my wounds.

        “Oh thank god you’re alive,” A familiar voice said from behind the lamp. “we didn’t think we’d ever get to-” Lisa cut off mid-sentence as she looked up at my face and saw that it wasn’t her dad lying there but instead me.

                 “As I took in what just happened I felt more than just Lisa’s hands on my waist, by hips were pressed so tightly against hers that they may as well have been glued together.”

       “Well, this is awkward,” I muttered out before blacking out from a combination of the pain and blood loss.

                 “When I woke up again I was finally in a hospital bed with white bandages covering most of my body. Lisa was next to me holding my hand with her head resting on my chest.”

        “I can’t believe you brought us all the way down here for this,” Lisa said as she lifted her head off my chest and shook it at me.

        “Well, when I saw that your dad had been so open about how he felt about guns, not to mention his own vast collection’s proximity to his desk, I figured it’d be a good idea to get some sort of gun for defense.” I looked over at the corner of the room and saw a brand new compound bow leaned up against the wall.

        “You brought a BOW?!? You didn’t even know if we could get out of town and you bring BOWS?!” Lisa was not amused as she got off the bed and started heading for the door.

        “Aww, don’t be like that! I at least figured we’d need something to hunt with if we couldn’t leave!” I said as I grabbed my chest as it began to ache again from all the commotion.

                 Lisa spun on her heels and stared daggers at me before storming over to my side and placed both hands on either side of my head.”

        “You did not just say that! You have no idea what’s going on out there, do you?!”

        “Well, I know the egg-throwing is still causing all sorts of chaos but-“

        “No, it doesn’t stop at eggs anymore!” Lisa started to get tears in her eyes as she looked down at me.

               “She was silent for a few more seconds before wiping away her tears and gathering herself.”

                 “What if they didn’t make it out okay?” Lisa asked me while getting back onto the bed next to me.

        “We will eventually find them,” I reassured softly

                 Lisa got off the bed and started pacing around the room. “No we won’t! Anything could have happened to them already, what if they got attacked or worse? I can’t just sit here knowing that there’s a chance they’re dead!”

        “What do you want me to do?” I pleaded.

        After a minute of staring at each other in silence Lisa started digging through her pockets before pulling out a small object.”

        “I guess this is goodbye after all,” She said as she tried to choke back more tears while handing me my engagement ring.

               My eyes widened, I didn’t even know she had kept it. Our short relationship hadn’t been an easy one but this moment, the moment that we finally broke through everything and reconnected, made all those struggles worth it.

        I grabbed her hand as she stood over me and took a chance to take another look at the diamond ring before slipping it back onto her finger.”

               “I can’t lose you again,” Lisa said as she hugged my waist tightly with tears flowing freely from both of our eyes.

                Lisa stepped back from me, still holding on to my waist but now staring deep into my eyes.

                  “You won’t!” We stared deeply into each others’ eyes for what felt like forever before Lisa snapped out of it and looked away.

        “What’s wrong?” I asked concernedly.

        “You really don’t know do you?!” She said in disbelief.

               “Know what?” I asked confusedly.

        Lisa turned back to me and looked deep into my eyes again, like she was trying to read every part of my mind.”

        “What’s the last thing you remember before waking up here?” She asked looking at me intently.

        I paused for a second as I tried to rack my brain for something that would tell me why this was so important.”

        “…I saw your dad’s gun collection when we were locked in his room but that’s about it,” I answered while still not understanding where this was going.

        For some reason that seemed to upset her more than I was expecting, she turned away from me again and started pacing around the room.

        “Do you know why you’re here?” She asked suddenly while not even looking at me.

        “I just told you,” I replied with some confusion in my voice.

        Lisa stopped in place for a second before turning back around to face me.”

               “My dad’s gun collection…that’s right!” He must have had one hell of an arsenal by now, he sure seems confident enough.”

        “He dragged us all into his office earlier today after the eggs started flying off people’s heads. Then he pulled out this old bottle of whiskey and told us that there was a bunker just outside of town where he could protect us from the coming storm.”

               “What kind of storm?” I asked with some fear in my voice.

        “You don’t remember anything do you?” Lisa paused for a second as if to let that question sink in before continuing on. “You were looking out the window when it first started, god its been going on nonstop ever since.”

        It finally settled in at this point what she meant by storm, and it didn’t sound good. “Then why are we still here? You said yourself your dad was trying to protect us from this…” I paused as the realization hit me again.

        Lisa’s eyes widened as she realized what I was thinking, “Oh god no…” She ran back over to me and grabbed my hand.

               “Now do you remember?” She asked with some desperation in her voice.